3 Sep 1989
Isa
12:1-2 (NIV) In that day you will say:
"I
will praise you, O Lord.
Although
you were angry with me,
your
anger has turned away
and you
have comforted me.
2
Surely God is my salvation;
I will
trust and not be afraid.
The
Lord, the Lord, is my strength and my song;
he has
become my salvation."
NOTE: As long as we
don't get what we truly desire, it will always be hard to say, "I trust
you God, I am not afraid." It is battle every person has, there is no easy
answer. I suppose perseverance is just that; living life without any easy answers.
Lord I pray my faith in you (what little there is) has brought your name glory.
I pray that the things we have learned could be useful in helping others in the
midst of life's struggles. But most of all, I pray for the comfort of Isa 12:1
could be ours. Bring comfort and peace into our lives once again. Heal Luke.
Lord, that is my greatest desire right now. This is the desire of my heart.
I would gladly give up all my dreams for the future for the sake of my family.
Please comfort us. Please, heal Luke -- only you can -- only you have the power
-- nothing is outside your hands.
9 Sep 1989
Ps
10:14, 17 (NIV)
14 But
you, O God, do see trouble and grief;
you
consider it to take it in hand.
The
victim commits himself to you;
you are
the helper of the fatherless.
. . .
17 You
hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted;
you
encourage them, and you listen to their cry,
NOTE: My suffering
has not been long, at least not when compared to many who suffer their whole life.
It's been almost two years now, a little more when one counts the first
ultrasound. Yet the real hurt and pains did not hit home till Luke's birth.
Luke will be 2 in a couple of months. He now has the hope of an almost normal
life. No more trache changes, no more gagging and pneumonias -- all are within
our grasp. Although it is not really our grasp, it is God's will. God is in
control, he will allow or cause what is best for Luke and us. He is my Father,
he will not give me a snake or a stone when I ask for a boy, a healthy boy. I
must trust my Father, I must hope in his wisdom and goodness. I cannot express
the tears of joy I have at the prospect of Luke's wellness. I hesitate to think
of it, fearful that these thoughts will dash Luke's prospects, or probably that
my hopes will ultimately be dashed by reality. I know I am undeserving of
nothing good, but that's also the definition of God's grace -- giving me gifts
that I don't deserve.
((TODAY, 25 Jul
2012: I believe the upcoming surgery was a reconstruction of Luke's airway and
voice box using cartilage from his rib. The procedure held out the promise of
removing the need for a trache for Luke. The trache was our biggest nightmare.
Later we would find that it was also our biggest crutch … but that is another
story. I was praying so hard (3 Sep 1989) because I so wanted the upcoming
surgery to heal Luke. I so wanted the circumstances of my life to change. I
wanted "my kingdom" and I assumed that it was also "God's
kingdom." Once again, I will be crushed. Once again, I will be
disappointed. I don't think the problem was a lack of faith so much as a fear
of pain. And, there were still things that God needed to teach me.))
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