Ps
143:11 (NIV) For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in your
righteousness, bring me out of trouble.
NOTE: Lord, I know
our lives are supposed to bring you glory, but there comes a point where
humanly it's just impossible to live. I'm not far from that point and Sharon is
very close. Sharon is at the point of an emotional breakdown. God, our ruin
brings you no glory. It causes people to ask, "why didn't God intervene or
help?" I know already you've given us much strength, but our lives are
exhausted; we are in need of a miracle. God you must do something supernatural
or at least cause the constant problems and burdens to slow down. Lately, the
only thing new every morning has been a new problem. I don't know why you've
chosen to deal with us in this way. I know we are sinners, but your discipline
(if it is discipline) is devastating. If you're causing us to grow for some
unknown purpose and future, then I want to thank you and praise you, but
please, I'm not sure we can grow much more right now. I know you know what's
best, but please Lord, have mercy on us. For your name's sake, have mercy on
us. My family is almost destroyed.
((TODAY, 17 July
2012: I think that was one of the hardest journal entries I ever wrote. It was
easy to write how I felt, but the pain of the situation was overwhelming. The
phrases "the only thing new every morning is a new problem" (a poke
at Lamentations 3:22,23), and "My family is almost destroyed," still
stick in my memory. I suppose things would cycle between getting better and
then worse for another three years. At this point, we are only 3 months and a
week into our suffering, and I am already about to quit. One thing I have
learned over the years and it probably started during this period of my life,
is to be absolutely honest with God. For one thing, we can't fool him. For
another reason, it makes the relationship so much more real. It makes no sense
to pretend to God -- we can pretend with people, but not God. God is pretty big
too and he can take our whining. There comes a time where we just need to
accept, but early on, it is perfectly normal to rant at God.))
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